The Path To Trans-Generational Healing
A few days ago, I was carried along - as if I was guided - to the Instagram account of the person who will become my ex-husband. We separated a few months ago, at a time when our disrespect and dislike for each other had reached their climax. Yes, mutual disrespect and dislike. In the failure of a relationship, the responsibility is shared by both partners. It had been a year since I had checked this person's account because his misogynistic posts deeply bothered me. I even felt ashamed that he could talk about women this way, even though we have a daughter.
But let's get back to the original topic. So, I looked at my soon-to-be ex-husband's Instagram account and saw a picture of him posing with this radiant, young, and attractive woman with the comment: "Love you, baby". I went through all the emotional feelings and an internal dialogue started:
- "BINGO! I knew it! He filed for divorce because he found a replacement wife! I knew it!".
- "What a joke ! He kept telling me that Instagram wasn't real life when I used to blame him for his misogynistic posts!", And yet this post felt really genuine to me.
And suddenly I felt this sadness creeping up on me. Not the vindictive sadness of the soon-to-be ex-wife who finds out about her ex-husband's new relationship. Quite the contrary! My love for this man and all the beautiful things he brought into my life made me happy for him. It was the sadness of a rejected person. It was at that moment that this injunction was imprinted on my whole being: "This is the last time you allow a man to disrespect and mistreat you!
In fact, this sadness opened my eyes to the summary of what has been in my life as a woman in a relationship in the past: accepting the mistreatment of a man who has always forced me to put his own needs before mine.
Let's get back to the facts and the purpose of this article. The cause of all these issues in my love life is that, for so many years, I was deaf to that "little voice" that was kind to me. You know, that little inner voice that speaks for you but which the mind always ends up converting, miserably, into rational thoughts.
This little voice, however, is my ally in all areas of my life. But as soon as I was in 'love' territory, all the radars were scrambled as if by an invisible force, paralyzing my understanding, my critical analysis, and my power to act. The root cause of this deafness was transgenerational heritage and loyalty to some women in my ancestry who had also experienced the abuse of men. I was weighed down in my love relationships by this loyalty, that of living an unhappy life, like them before me.
The weight of this heritage was stronger than my will, more powerful than my right to happiness until I became aware of all the harmful effects it had caused in my life. Thanks to my numerous researches on psycho genealogy, my readings from the works of Carl Gustav Jung, Bert Hellinger, Alejandro Jodorowsky, Anne Ancelin Schützenberger or Natacha Calestrémé, and the practice of family constellations, I freed myself from this invisible weight. In my article Transgenerational Fears and Successes, my first symbolic act of liberation was to give Charlotte Paigerac, my paternal great-grandmother, her identity and her story back. All the people who had known her, or heard of her, called her "Maman Paul". "Mama' because she was a mother, healer, midwife, and doula, and 'Paul' because she was in a relationship with Paul, my paternal great-grandfather.
Today I realize that I had forgotten a very important detail when writing this article. A proof that this invisible force was still at play. I had signed it with my spouse’s name, the very name that suffocated the free woman that I am. Nevertheless, by replacing "Mama Paul" with CHARLOTTE, I ignited a healing chain reaction. I freed Geraldine B. and gave Geraldine Blamèble back her omnipotence.
So what is relevant to understand and remember in sharing this intimate experience of my life is that our story begins long before we are born. What we are is the sum of ALL the experiences of ALL the members of our family clan. So it will be interesting, when you are going through a recurring ordeal, to find out about your family history and your family heritage. Perhaps, and even SURELY, the path to and voice of healing will express itself through your FREEDOM of choice and the HAPPINESS of deciding for yourself and your descendants...
You will finally have the power to write a new version of history and to break with those invisible patterns that harm you.
Géraldine Blamèble is a Certified Coach, Author & Consultant in Management and Organization.
Born in Martinique, a French island in the Caribbean, Géraldine has lived in Paris for 24 years. She’s passionate about Human Sciences and lives by Feng Shui, medicinal plants, and whole food.
Géraldine assists women and men to become the best version of themselves and helps companies improve their workplace experience, as well as organizational behavior and performance.