She Said “Only If”: The Woman Who Taught Me Financial Confidence

Everything I know about helping women develop confidence in their financial future, I learned from a woman who never had the opportunity to get a formal education. Her inner wisdom and brilliance inspired me in ways I couldn't fully appreciate until decades after she left this earth.

It's Mother’s Day, and I want to pay tribute to someone very special to me by sharing her story with you...

He proposed... and she didn't say "yes"... she said "only if."

Sicily, 1926. A young woman heard the four magic words her contemporaries hoped they would hear: "Will you marry me?" At that time, most marriages were arranged, and women didn't have any say. So her response left the people in her village speechless.

She did the unthinkable. She didn't say yes. She said "only if" — because she knew her value.

Her name was Nonnie. And she was my grandmother.

The man asking was my grandfather. And Nonnie had two conditions. First: "Take me to America." And second, "I handle the money."

In 1926, Sicilian women didn't make demands. They didn't negotiate. And they certainly didn't tell their future husbands that they — not he — would control every dollar the family earned.

But Nonnie did.

She had no formal education. She could barely read or write. And she understood three important lessons about survival that many women today are still fighting to claim:

First ... know your strengths, and don't let anyone talk you out of your "zone of genius".

Second ... don't let what hasn't been done before stop you.

Third ... you cannot build a secure life if someone else controls the resources.

So she took control. Before the wedding. As a condition for the wedding. My grandfather agreed. They married in 1926.

And then — because they were poor and the passage to America was expensive, he left their homeland for America first, leaving his young bride behind to stay with her mother until their first child was born. He went ahead to get established and build a foundation to send for her and the son he had yet to meet.

It took two years. Two years of him working to save every dollar he could. Two years of her raising their child alone, trusting that he would keep his word.

And in 1928, he sent for her.

Nonnie boarded a ship to Massachusetts with her young son, crossing the Atlantic to join the man she had married and build a new life in America.

They were poor, as blue-collar as it gets. He was a barber. She was a seamstress. Every penny mattered, and there was no margin for error. And then the Great Depression hit.

Families all around them lost everything. Homes. Jobs. Hope. But Nonnie's family never went without the essentials. Not because they had more money than anyone else. They didn't. But because Nonnie had a gift for managing money. She could squeeze a quarter until George Washington cried, and still have a surplus to help others who were worse off.

She could stretch a dollar further than seemed possible. She could solve problems no one thought had solutions. She managed every cent that came into that household with a brilliance that didn't come from education — it came from an inner wisdom, clarity, and an unshakable faith.

Faith in God. Faith in herself. Faith in my grandfather. Faith that they would always be able to provide more than enough. She had an abundance mentality. A belief that in America, opportunities were limitless, unlike the homeland she left behind.

But it was more than faith. Nonnie had something I can only describe as an inner knowing — a money wisdom that gave her confidence no financial advisor could teach. She never complained about money. She never worried about it. Not because they had plenty. Because she was confident she could make whatever they had be more than enough.

And here's what still astounds me: they did. Not just enough to cover their own family's needs — but enough to help others. Enough to give to charity. Enough to share what little they had with people who had even less.

That wasn't luck. That was Nonnie's genius. She knew the difference between what you need and what you want. She knew how to plan. How to prioritize. How to make hard decisions without hesitation. And she knew — long before anyone was teaching this — that financial security isn't about how much you have. It's about knowing exactly what to do with what you've got. And an unshakable attitude of gratitude that allows you to believe in your own abundance.

I grew up hearing Nonnie's stories. She had a way of telling them that captivated my attention — not lectures, just stories about what she'd seen, what she'd done, how she'd solved impossible problems with almost nothing.

She taught me through example. Through those stories. Through the way she lived. And I didn't fully understand what it all meant until I ran my own household, and decades later, began guiding women to create their version of financial freedom.

Because here's what I see over and over again: Brilliant, accomplished women — executives, entrepreneurs, top producers who have built impressive careers and significant wealth, still feel uncertain about their financial future. Who defers financial decisions to someone else. Who says things like "my spouse handles that" or "I should probably know more about this, but I don't." And then, lay awake at night, worrying about their financial future…

Women who were never taught that they could — or should — take control.

Nonnie didn't have a college degree. She didn't have a financial advisor, a retirement plan, or a diversified portfolio. But she had something more valuable: clarity about what mattered, and the courage to take control of the resources that would determine her family's future.

That's what I teach today. Not the mechanics of money — anyone can learn that. But the confidence to claim control. The permission to ask the hard questions. The belief that you are capable of understanding, deciding, and building financial security on your terms. Free of intimidation and judgment. Nonnie taught me that. Not with lectures or advice. Just by living it.

This Women's History Month, I'm thinking about her. About the 21-year-old woman who crossed an ocean with an infant and a vision for a bright, abundant future. Who knew her value before the world was ready to recognize it. Who managed money with brilliance born of necessity — and kept her family whole through one of the hardest economic periods in American history.

She would have been 120 years old this year. And the lessons she lived are still the ones women need most:

You are capable... You deserve control over your own financial future ... And you don't need permission to claim it.

This is what it means to have financial freedom, and “true wealth” … what money can’t buy.

Nonnie didn't ask for permission. She set the terms. And everything I do today — every conversation I have with a woman standing at a crossroads, wondering if she has what it takes to build financial security on her terms — is because of what she showed me was possible.

So this one's for you, Nonnie. For the courage. For clarity. For the refusal to accept what everyone else said was inevitable. You knew your value. And you taught me to help other women know theirs.

Who's the woman in your history who taught you to know your value? Tell me in the comments.

By Therese R. Nicklas, CFP®, Wealth Coach

Financial security isn’t related to the size of your paycheck. I help successful women feel confident about their financial future, so they're prepared for whatever comes next … whether it’s their decision or someone else’s. They create financial freedom, and never again shrink to fit.