Sometimes Tears Aren’t the Problem: How to Heal Habits & Shame

Many people come to me believing their struggle is about food, weight, willpower, or self-discipline. But often, what stands between a woman and the healthy life she wants is not a lack of knowledge. It's a pattern she has lived with for years.

I remember working with a woman who arrived at every session overwhelmed by how she felt about herself. She would just start talking, then start to sob, reach for tissues, and describe her disappointment and frustration in herself, folding into herself. Session after session, the tears came, but little changed.

I felt I wasn’t helping her find her way. One day, I decided to interrupt the familiar pattern. As soon as she welled up with tears, I reached out and grasped her hands. I invited her to stay present. Something remarkable happened. The tears subsided. Was it because she couldn’t reach for tissues if I was holding her hands? I don’t know, but whatever it was, it worked. She began making eye contact. Reflecting differently. Seeing herself differently.

That day, we made progress.

The experience reminded me that lasting change often begins when we recognize the patterns that keep us stuck and change them. Here are a few

For some women, it's a sense of shame:

"I should know better."

"I've failed again."

"I'll never get this right."

For others, it's perfectionism:

"If I can't do it perfectly, why bother?"

Some spend years taking care of everyone else while placing themselves at the bottom of the list.

For others, it’s avoidance:

After the holidays.

After retirement.

When I’m feeling better. .

When life settles down.

The truth is that life rarely settles down.

Many women are not struggling because they lack information. They know vegetables are healthy. They know movement matters. They understand the basics of nutrition.

What they need is something deeper.

They need permission to stop fighting themselves.

They need to replace self-judgment with curiosity.

They need to create a vision of their future selves.

They need to discover that one cookie, one missed walk, or one difficult day does not define them.

They need to learn that self-care is not selfish.

Most importantly, they need to experience compassion toward themselves.

This is why my work is not about diets or rigid rules. Together, we explore the beliefs, habits, emotions, and life experiences that influence your choices. We look at the whole person—nutrition, movement, rest, stress, purpose, and connection.  And yes, we still work on healthy food choices and weed out misleading fads about protein or fat, so we stay informed.

Positive change rarely comes from criticism.

It grows from awareness.

It grows from understanding.

It grows from treating yourself with the same kindness you offer everyone else.

It’s saying to yourself what you would say to your dearest, most sensitive friend.

It's creating a realistic vision of the future you wish for yourself.

If you've been feeling stuck, perhaps the answer isn't trying harder.

Perhaps it's learning a new way to relate to yourself.

And that is where real change begins.

With love,

Peg