When Being the Strong One Becomes Too Much: Learning to Receive Support

I've been the strong one for a really long time.

When something happens, I figure out what needs to be done.

I make the calls.

I handle the details.

I make sure the people I love have what they need.

And honestly?

I'm good at it.

Being capable has served me well in some incredibly difficult seasons of my life.

But I've been thinking lately about what can happen when being capable becomes part of how we see ourselves.

We stop noticing how much we're carrying.

We become so accustomed to figuring things out that asking for support doesn't even occur to us.

Sometimes we don't know what support would look like if someone offered it.

I've experienced that more than once.

When my brother died, I focused on my parents.

When my dad died, I focused on my mom.

When Dave has needed me, I've stepped in and done what needed to be done.

There is nothing wrong with being the person who shows up.

I love that part of who I am.

What I've had to learn is that I can show up for the people I love and still leave room for someone to show up for me.

That hasn't always come naturally.

This summer gave me another chance to practice it.

When Dave was hospitalized, I didn't expect myself to carry everything.

I went home when I needed rest.

I talked when I needed to talk.

I moved things in my business.

I accepted people's kindness.

And I didn't make myself prove that I was completely depleted before I was allowed to take care of myself.

That last part matters.

Because I think a lot of strong women wait until they can't do anymore before they permit themselves to stop.

We tell ourselves:

I can handle it.

Other people have it worse.

It's really not that big of a deal.

I'll take care of myself when things settle down.

And then we keep going.

Being capable is a beautiful thing.

Knowing when you don't have to do everything you're capable of doing is pretty beautiful, too.

I'm still learning that.

I'm also learning that receiving support doesn't take anything away from my strength.

It gives me more room to decide where I actually want to use that strength.

So this week, I want you to think about something:

Where in your life have you become so accustomed to being the strong one that you've forgotten to leave room for yourself?

And what would support look like there?

You don't have to know the perfect answer.

Start by noticing the question.

And if you want to, hit Reply and tell me what came up.

To choosing ourselves,

Jen

P.S. If you're reading this thinking, I don't even know how to stop being the one who handles everything, that's exactly the kind of thing we can talk through together. You don't have to wait until you're completely exhausted to decide something needs to change. Let's talk!